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chenetsworld

anything you believe :)

For goodness sake, dream big

I’ve always been taught to be content. To be happy with what I have. To be satisfied with the things I do. This led me to stay in a very comfortable zone. Anything big, sounded scary or dangerous.

Today I learnt that I’ve abused the word “content”. Yes its all good to be content and thankful. But it doesn’t make you strive harder for bigger goals. This year was not the same. I took the initiative to try different things. Different things that sounded impossible or too ambitious.

Today I told myself, “Honey, there is no such thing as ‘too ambitious’. It’s either you’re lazy or afraid that things will terribly go wrong. ”

Now I believe that if you work hard enough, you will eventually see your harvest. The key is to be consistent and openly accept new things.

I’ve always been afraid of the world. Intimidated of people, thinking they are forever judging me. It needs to be changed.

I’ve listed out few things that I should start doing to DREAM & LIVE BIG.

  1. Start connecting with new people. Although they look scary or not interested.
  2. Start smiling at random strangers. (This is going to be hard, but chances are they are more afraid of you then you are of them)
  3. Learn new things, tricks, hacks, something.
  4. Read and explore more. Start to know what is happening around the world, so that you have plenty of things to talk to when connecting with people (No.1). Economics and politics has always sounded so confusing that I always refused to listen or learn. I need to know more about it. P/s: I also hate mathematics.
  5. Follow your dreams. Write down all your dreams that sounds impossible. I always wanted to sing, dance and perform. I want to write children fantasy books (Enid Blyton No.1 fan here). I want to be a famous designer. Writing this itself makes me scared. But I have to start somewhere.
  6. Be prepared for failure. There are plenty of mean people in this world that can crush your spirit. Be prepared. Don’t let yourself down and use them as a stepping stone. Chances are, their comments are more truthful and honest compared to those who just agree with you not to hurt your feelings.

Dream big or go home. I’ve always seen this in many media platforms. But today I learnt how deep is this quote.

DREAM BIG OR GO HOME.

Chenets

 

Things I look forward to do when I reach my goal weight

  1. Able to walk into “non plus size” cloth shops and wear them.
  2. Able to wear cute skinny jeans and actually look cute in it. Not the opposite.
  3. Not being called the “fat one” in the group.
  4. Not the fattest in the group, workplace, anywhere.
  5. Not being bullied as fat, huge, large, gigantic, big, over size, xxL and so on
  6. Have fun running around, not panting and suffering to breath during outside activities.
  7. When people see me “shit, you look amazing”
  8. When my ex sees me “shit, she looks amazing”
  9. Whoever that was mean to me to see me “shit, she looks amazing”
  10. Not getting the “oh, i’m sorry, we don’t have your size”
  11. Don’t have to ask “do I look fat in this?”
  12. Don’t need to be afraid to tell people my weight.
  13. Don’t have mean people snicker or laugh at the back of me when I wear something that’s sexy.
  14. Don’t have people stare at me like “look at those gigantic legs”
  15. don’t have to constantly google “plus size inspiration”, plus size clothing
  16. don’t have to google “tips to loose weight”
  17. wish the person who called me a “fat cow” will see me at my goal weight.
  18. Wear tank tops / sleeveless without worrying about arm fat

I can only think of this much as of now. I may probably sound superficial or as a person who cares of what others think/say of me. But I have constantly lived in fear of what people is going to say, that I want to change my life in a way that I don’t need their concern. Mainly I want to gain confidence.

 

Day 127

Bye bye 31 lbs. I never want to see you again. I never liked you! I never wanted you at the first place. I didn’t realise how toxic you were until it hit me.

Yes 31lbs gone. Gone! Never! Never have I achieved such a weight loss. No, I’m not done yet. There is more to go. But to be able to reach to 50% of my goal is just AMAZING!

It was frustrating at first, when no one realised your weight loss, or every single part of your body looks the same. But it slowly started to change. People who have not seen me for some times are shocked. The dress I could never wear at all, is fitting me now.

Last week, I was like a psychopath, excitedly jumping around trying out dresses and pants that were so tight like a child waiting for 12a.m on a Christmas eve.

I have to admit, I’ve slowed down on “perfectly clean food”. Carb has slowly crept in. Rice is still illegal in my life. But  wholemeal bread and chapati has entered. I’m running out of ideas on what foods I can eat. But I rather stick to the boring routine.

I always have the fear that any of these days, I’ll quit without me realising, and i’ll be back at the starting weight. It scares me. I DO NOT want tp be back where i was. I’m very comfortable and never felt this good ever. My goal is very nearby, but sometimes the decisions and choices I make delay the process.

Keep going Chenets. Don’t give up. This is your time to shine. Never let yourself to fail you.

Day 81-20lbs GONE!

I just can’t believe that I’ve came this far. I didn’t know there is so much of will power in me that I always doubted.

There are days in my life where I use to blame everyone else for what I’ve been struggling. My mom cooks good food. I’m not let out to be active like other kids. I don’t have much friends.If only I was that, If only I was this.

Little did I know that if I got up and did what I had to do, my “If only I could” would have changed to “I did it!”

Anything is possible. Anything you put your heart into is possible. Focus is one thing. Determination is another. But what I find the most important is consistency. Patiently be consistent in what you’re doing.

I’m running this marathon. A long ass marathon. In the middle of the marathon, I trip and fall, I pause for air, but I just don’t need to stop. I get my ass back up again and continue the run.

 

Day 31

It’s Day 31 towards my healthy living lifestyle. It’s just so amazing to know how much of will power I have, when I never thought I had.

I’ve lost 13. 6 lbs so far and I got some sweet compliments from some of the loved ones.

It’s great to know that I have the willpower to say NO to the junk foods my colleagues offer. To say NO to the birthday cake my family offered (mean I know). But it’s just so easy to say No.

I’m afraid of Cheat days. Very afraid. Because I know, cheat days can become weeks, months or years. So I try my best not to do cheat days. Unless I really crave for something, like gelato ice creams (God!) and I had two scoops last Sunday. It was okay I guess. As long as I keep focused on my goals, and strongly determined not to indulge in anything else after that.

It’s good to see the scale number keep dropping down.

It also feels good, when you slowly accomplish all your new year resolutions.

Slowly but Surely.

chenets

The piercing of the cartilage

Warning. This might be gross for some reason. But I feel it’s important to share. (no pictures, so you’re safe)

I love accessorising my ears. So when it came to my third ear piecing, i chose the upper cartilage of my ear.

Went to a shopping complex and got pierced by a piercing gun for just RM8, and a free earring. It was not painful, and it looked okay. I loved it and felt so cool. You kna wha Imin bruh?

I didn’t put much thought on the hygiene, the gun, the unprofessionalism. It was cheap, so what could probably go wrong?

It healed pretty good, put still sore and tender to the touch of it. My only problem is I can’t stop sleeping on it. You should not be doing that. So i think it kind of slowed the healing process.

After 2 weeks, the bugger has still not healed. Crusty and oozy and sore to touch.

As usual I went to “Master Google” for his piece of advice. I didn’t feel so good at first, reading all about the bad infections, and where a girl almost lost her ear os did she loose it? I don’t know. But I just followed the home remedies and did the sea salt soak, pull it out in, and all sort. But it looked worse, and more painful to the touch.

Finally i decided the earring has to be changed. Probably it needs more room. Went to a accessory shop and got my earring changed to a hoop type.

The next day, my ears was healed pretty good! I was so happy. The small bump has totally gone. But still tender to touch, and since the hoop was loose, it hurt went it moved.

I went back to my old ways and slept on it.. etc.. etc.

The following day, i realised there was something pimply behind my hear. I kept touching it, pressing it. No pain.

I did not look into the mirror until the next day. I was shocked! there was a huge red bump right beside the ear. I was terrified. It looked super ugly.

Again, went to Sifu Google. Had so many people say so many things. Hydrogen peroxide, tea tree.. Nothing worked! The bump kept growing.

Finally I sterilised a needle and poked it to see if anything comes out. Nothing! it was not painful too and that made me scared. All this while, I did not remove my jewellery. As some of the posters said that the bump will not go away and might lead to further more infections.

To my horror, many of the posters in google said that it’s keloid and only can be removed under surgery.

I was terrified, depressed and just felt angry for doing this to my precious ears.

Finally after much forcing, I went to see a doctor. I just felt stupid going to a doctor for just a piercing. Anyhow, he confirmed that it’s a scarred tissue and it only can be removed by a surgeon and it might cost a fortune.

He told me that it does not look bad and I can always hide it with my long hair. No! I just could not take it. He sent me back home with an antibiotic cream.

Feeling lost and angry with the husbs advice, I just removed the damned jewellery. Since it won’t help, in our out. I started putting on the antibiotic cream helplessly. No significant changes, whatsoever.

Then I came across this website, http://www.piercingbible.com/ and it says to stick a breathable tape on it, like compress the bump and it might help to go away. I had no idea of it’s existence. What the heck is a breathable tape. I went to the pharmacy, and yes. They had “breathable” tape. My initial imagination was that it actually breathed, like you can see it’s breathing in an out. You know, haa. Anyways! Bought the brand “Eco pore” for only RM 2.

Went back home and tightly stuck the tape on the bump after cleaning it and applying the antibiotic cream the doctor gave me. First day was not much of a difference. The second day at work, I realised the tape was covered in a blotch of blood. I went back home and opened it, and saw that the  bump was very much smaller but still ugly. So I stuck another tape for three more days.

Yesterday I opened it, and say that the bump was almost gone!! I was so happy and relieved as it really stressed me out.

I didn’t need surgery. Just breathable tape. And removing the damn jewellery that hurt my ear. So no more piercing for me. I’m pretty much traumatised by the event. Thank you very much.

I will just sit back and enjoy seeing other’s beautiful piercing.   

Day 12-Why sugar why?

Day 12: I’m still hanging in the low carb diet. So far, no cakes, cookies, fancy drinks, bread, rice >.<. nothing. all i had is vegetables (long beans, broccoli, cauliflower, some green leaves, fish, chicken, pork) I am surviving.

I usually buy from a chinese mixed rice shop or malay shop. Easier. I hate cooking. I just hate it. I envy those who can cook anything from a scratch. The other day got this little chicken drumsticks to fry at home. I ended up hating life. I SUCK AT COOKING. Should make a t-shirt and wear it.

Anyway thank God for restaurants and food outlets that has good cook. So I easily get some chicken/fish and vege for RM 5.00-7.00.  The one bad thing is, I wouldn’t know what they put inside. For an instance, I took some chicken and vege and proceeded to make payment. I asked the “shop lady” if they put sugar in it. “Oh, we put sugar in every dishes” she proudly said. Crap. That made me ate my chicken as if I’m eating my own flesh. It just disgust me to know that I’ve been eating sugar without my knowledge.

Today, as I stepped on the scale an the number that i saw just put a smile no my face. In disbelief, i went and weighed my self again and again. Just to be confirm. And yes, I’ve lost 4.5 kg so far. Which is pretty amazing for a day 12.

Smiling all my way to work.

The journey is not over yet.

-Chenets World-

Curry and rice

IMG_2231

 

Whoever that said eating clean is fun is.. is.. supercrazyevil. Today is Day 9 and everything that I see looks delicious. This morning I was driving to work, and a lorry stopped infront of me with it’s Mille Crepes logo and a giant picture of a crepe cake. So there I sat, fantasizing (suddenly I forgot to spell fantasize..shame)   the layers and layers of cream melting right in my mouth.

See, I’m in this low carb diet, where I can’t eat any starchy, grainy or “carbohydraty” food. Which means, I just can’t eat ANYTHING. Coz that’s what I’ve been eating for my whole life.

Coming from an indian family, rice is a main important dish, almost sacred. You do not leave rice in any meals, weddings, birthdays heck even funeral. It’s a taboo. You have to have rice. And coming from my family, I’ve just been taught to eat lots of rice. My favourite food used to be loads of rice with chicken curry. That’s it, I can go up to three serving. Leaving me at this point, overweight, and depressed.

I certainly cannot say that I’m happy with my weight, and be myself no matter who says what. No.. I just can’t. Yes words can’t kill me, but diabetes can. High cholesterol can, high blood pressure can. And I certainly need to do something about it instead of giving me false hopes that I am beautiful just as I am. Heck I am beautiful who says I’m not. But I’m not healthy. And that need to change.

So here I am, not in any sort of talking terms with rice and sugar. My ex-bfs. Do I miss them? Yes, alot. They have been so supportive throughout my life, always giving me the relief I need. But it is just not right. I have to split with them for the better of me. We can’t keep going, it’s toxic. Deep in my heart, i do still love them.

So long my pals 😥

-Chenets World-

 

Sticking to the reso

Life has been roller coasted and I ain’t getting down. I’m going to go with the flow. As everyone else, I’ve made resolutions at start of the year. I must say, compared to the rest of the years, I’ve actually got some things on going.

For Example:

  1. Learning new skills – check
  2. Enrolling to the gym and staying in it – check
  3. create a healthy lifestyle -check
  4. Create a blog and learn how to work it-urrm check?

Okay so, it’s just March you say. I might fall out of the happy train ride any given day you say. A girl gotta try and try and try, no matter how many times she fails. Right? I just hope i don’t.

First, learning new skills. Always wanted to learn graphic designing. Finally I’ve managed to find a one-to-one class that is pretty exciting. Down to two more classes. But i really got to practice on those skills. The procrastinator in me is just so strong. Wish i could punch it in it’s face.

Despite all my previous “healthy lifestyle attempt” I’m just hoping I’ll stick with this. This seems to be working for me. Enrolling gym. Yes. Finally. Always thought that I’m not a gym person. Turns out I am. I love gym. (only if I have a partner) I’m never going in there alone. Ever. But most of the times, it’s the phase where you have to actually get ready and go. That’s the most difficult part.

and finally, yes. Creating a blog. i did it! Yay! Wohoo! Yeah.. Woo..I have no idea how to function this. I’m honestly lost. I don’t know if someone is reading this. I don’t know how to decorate it like how the other awesome bloggies do it. I’ll just deal with it.

One at a time.

-ChenetsWorld-

 

 

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